Two Bags Full

Matthew 25:14-30

14 “Again, it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted his wealth to them. 15 To one he gave five bags of gold, to another two bags, and to another one bag, each according to his ability. Then he went on his journey. 16 The man who had received five bags of gold went at once and put his money to work and gained five bags more. 17 So also, the one with two bags of gold gained two more. 18 But the man who had received one bag went off, dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money.

19 “After a long time the master of those servants returned and settled accounts with them.20 The man who had received five bags of gold brought the other five. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with five bags of gold. See, I have gained five more.’

21 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

22 “The man with two bags of gold also came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.’

23 “His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’

24 “Then the man who had received one bag of gold came. ‘Master,’ he said, ‘I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground. See, here is what belongs to you.’

26 “His master replied, ‘You wicked, lazy servant! So you knew that I harvest where I have not sown and gather where I have not scattered seed? 27 Well then, you should have put my money on deposit with the bankers, so that when I returned I would have received it back with interest.

28 “‘So take the bag of gold from him and give it to the one who has ten bags. 29 For whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them. 30 And throw that worthless servant outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’"

Lesson to be learned: What you have is less important than what you do with what you have. 

Choose to celebrate what others have and leverage what you have.

My prayer will be that I "run my race" so that I bring ultimate glory to God and also ultimate satisfaction to me. 

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The land of the ER

I bet I know what most of you are thinking ... that this is another post about PA school. I suppose it is in part, but thinking of the overall general picture it really isn't. It's bigger than that. It's about another thought provoking sermon Adam and I heard at church with Andy Stanley this morning, and the effect said sermon has had on me. The series is called "The Comparison Trap" and we just finished the second part. The first of the series was called "The Land of ER" and the second one "Looking Around." The last one coming up is called "Two Bags Full."
Anyway, the idea behind the first sermon is that we always look to our left and look to our right to see how we measure up to those around us. If we feel outdone by those at our side, we begin to think that we're not good enough, that we're not measuring up, and that we need to be smart-ER or rich-ER or just overall in general bettER. He continued the sermon by pointing out that sometimes when we hear bad news about those that we often compare ourselves to, we deep down inside celebrate their failures because finally they don't seem so perfect anymore. Quite frankly that's gross. But the most disgusting and sickening part of it all is that he full on described me. I guess I could cover up that beast by saying "it's just human nature." Maybe it is. But I don't like it at all. And it doesn't make it ok.
I'm guilty of comparing myself to my classmates. How well we each do on tests or papers, who studies the most. I'm guilty of comparing myself to our friends... the ones who are buying houses and having babies (although I'm pretty certain that's just a jealousy thing because there isn't a dang thing I can do about either of those right now). I compare who vacations at the best spots. Who works out the most. Who's the skinniest. As absolutely ridiculous as this may sound, I'm guilty of comparing who leaves the sweetest anniversary posts to their husbands on facebook, or the best status updates about July 4th, Labor Day, Memorial Day, 9/11. I really hope that everyone else's posts are more sincere than mine sometimes are. How embarrassing for me.
I certainly don't mean to place the blame anywhere than directly on my heart, but social media is a huge culprit. It's planted such an evil seed within me that is growing a nasty, ugly weed. It desperately needs to be plucked. I hate how this all makes me feel. So what do I do about it? Well, the first statement that Andy left us with was this:

There's no win in comparison. 

I've got to be honest. This statement wasn't huge for me, but it was definitely a place to start. Even if I do meet some make-believe standard I've set for myself based on someone else's life, am I really going to feel at peace with myself? Accomplished? Will I be happy? The answer is no. If I always try to 'keep up with the Jones' I can imagine how exhausted I would become. Thanks to me being is school, Adam and I don't currently have much room for big expenses at the moment, so keeping up with the Jones isn't really a huge issue -- though believe me, if I could, I'm sure I would. Or I'd try at least. Ugh...gross! 

So the second week was definitely more fervent for me. He shared with us Galatians 4:4-7:

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Ok, so this means close to nothing to me without Andy's awesome explanations. With the bible (and also with greek mythology) I always have such a hard time understanding if what's being said is literal or if it's metaphorical imagery designed to paint another picture. But anyway. The bottom line is this. God is my Abba, I am his child. Just as perfect parents don't compare their children to anyone, God doesn't hold any of us to any standard other than those set forth in His individual, perfectly planned will for each of us. 

So. I admit to all of this because it humbles me. I've noticed there's quite a bit to learn when I humiliate myself. And if any of you are like me, maybe it can help you, too. 

I'll leave you all with a few things that have helped me along lately.

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He is risen!

Jesus is risen and alive!

For reasons that I'll explain in just a moment, Easter this year is more significant for me than ever before. Last year is definitely a very close second, but this year takes the blue ribbon. Where do I even start to share this journey? Well ... I guess somewhere close to the beginning.

All my life I've been taught to treat others as you wish to be treated, to be kind and honest, sincere and giving. I've always had God in my life someway or another but I never attended church regularly growing up. I would go with my cousins to vacation bible school, and I'm pretty sure I said the "come live in my heart and save my soul" prayer at least 5 or 6 times. When I turned 15, I started attending a baptist church that some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins attended and it was here that I completed my first actual bible study. Shortly after, I asked my parents to start coming to church with me, but I knew if they were going to come they'd want to go to an episcopal church. We had visited one a few times over the years during my childhood, so that's where Mom, Dad, and I started attending regularly. Not too long after we started going, I decided to join the youth group and signed up to go on a service mission trip with them to Equador. Mom and I were baptisted in this church, which made us members, and I became an acolite for some of the services. Unfortunately, sometime after that, the minister left and weeks following, we all found that we didn't enjoy the services quite as much as we did before he left. We stopped going to church eventually.

There's a huge gap in my story here. I went to college and forgot about God, like many young people unfortunately do. I remember there was one period in time when I applied for a part time job as a medical assistant. I knew this would be the perfect job for me to gain experience for PA school and I needed a job for some extra money, so it was perfect! Well, I didn't get the job. I was so angry with God for letting this happen. He knew how badly I wanted and needed it and He still didn't give me to me (but reflecting back, why should He have given it to me? I hadn't made Him a priority in my life. Now I see that God had his perfect plan and perfect timing all laid out for me. I didn't need this job to get into PA school -- "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11). I stopped praying and I didn't care anymore. Maybe I was depressed, but I remember life sucked around this time. Adam and I started fighting more and things just fell apart. Finally, I decided to give in and apologize to God. I remember it had something to do with a friend's facebook "about me" section. She mentioned that she loved being so aware of God and all of His blessings and her prayer was to never lose sight of that awareness. It made me sad in my heart that I wasn't experiencing that, so my prayer at that time started out as me asking God to mold my heart and help me to want him in my life again. I honestly can't remember how long it took, but my heart did change. God was working in my life. He helped me find another part time job in college that I learned so much incredible information from. More life lessons that anything, but I'm so thankful for that time and that experience. 

After I graduated college, I was still praying, but I never opened my bible, only went to church on occasion (read: maybe twice a year?), and still didn't really have a strong relationship with God. I knew that it was growing, and I could recognize that it was stronger than it had ever been before, but it really just wasn't what it was supposed to be.  Cue Adam and I getting engaged. I had known for a long time that I really wanted Father Peter (the minister that my family loved from the episcopal church) to marry Adam and me so I emailed him and asked. He required pre-marital counseling but he agreed to performing the ceremony. I guess that's neither here nor there, but it's was still sentimental to me. :)

Anyway, two weeks before the wedding, I flew to Kentucky for a business training, and at the end of the week I went to visit a good friend and meet her husband and baby boy. Before I knew it, the three of us were having a pretty intense conversation about our testimonies and our relationships with God. That night was one of the most profound and shaping conversations I have ever had in this regard. I realized that night that although I had absolutely no doubt in my heart, mind, or soul that Jesus Christ was my personal savior and that I was going to heaven after death, my relationship was still at a level of infancy. I was not shining the light of our Father and showing the way for others. They both strongly recommended that Adam and I find and join a church. As some point in this conversation, my friend (Whitney) mentioned Athens Church (Whitney's brother was a student at UGA at that time, and he had mentioned this church to her). Meanwhile at work, I had been having some conversations about church with two of the girls I worked with and one of them was attending Athens Church. One of my parents' neighbors also went there, and they had suggested that I check it out as well. 

Fast forward a year. Adam and I are already married and have been for maybe 9 or 10 months. We still hadn't joined a church, but the conversation I had with my friend and her husband in Kentucky was still weighing heavily in my mind and my heart. I finally decided that Adam and I were going to visit Athens Church. Man oh man, we have not looked back since!! Although we don't still live in Athens, there is a church here in Birmingham that shares Andy Stanley's messages. It's called Redstone Church. But when we can't attend Redstone, we watch the messages online.

Andy Stanley with Northpoint Ministeries is SO incredibly gifted with public speaking, sharing God's word, helping people live meaningful lives, and being the salt and the light of the world. I realize that I don't have much experience with churches in my past, but hands down these messages are the best, most delightful, most spiritual, most meaningful messages I've EVER heard. Every single Sunday I learn so much about God and the bible from Andy. My prayers are more meaningful. I can feel that my heart is changing, not because I want it to, but because once again, God is shaping and molding me. I find myself thinking about his sermons throughout the week ... they don't leave my mind at 12pm on Sunday as soon as church is over. I know that I still have many struggles with things that I don't understand, and I still have much growing to do as a disciple and follower of Jesus, but I also know I'm on my way. God is always on time with his perfect plan. My story is still being written. 

(Back to the top) ... So yes, thanks to Andy Stanley and his teachings, Easter is more significant to me than ever before! As I was saying, I still have struggles understanding God's plan and His timing but this is really something I shouldn't question. He has never failed giving me everything I've ever wanted, but these things aren't always received on the timeline that I want, therefore, I have to practice patience during these opportunities. "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Luke 11:9. 

Adam and I both think that everyone should watch this particular series called "Christian." I can't even begin to explain it's meaning, but I strongly encourage you to at least go read the synopsis! Here's a link for you all. Click here and enjoy!

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Our first kiss -- Nine years ago!

I'll never ever forget the emotions I experienced as I was walking down the isle to marry my husband. I really don't remember looking at anyone (except for one friend who reminded me to smile :/) but I DO remember having some legit concerns. Here are the true memoirs of a bride (well, of this bride, anyway). I was worried SICK about two things: 1. making the ugly-cry face ... because let's be real. I'm extremely emotional, and 2. falling as I walked down the isle. Thankfully, my dad lent a good arm. But I kid you not, the very moment I saw Adam as I was walking towards him, literally all of that washed away. I knew in that very instant that everything was perfect in my world. I was making the right decision -- scratch that -- the best decision of my life.

So, this year on our dating anniversary (today!), Adam and I have been together for 9 years! It's fun to reflect back on how much he and I have grown and matured into the people we are today. In honor of this special day, I've decided to write a tribute on why my love for him continues to grow stronger and stronger as time passes by. Here goes...

Adam loves to read. He reads all the time. He's definitely smarter than me. Maybe the fact that he's smarter than me isn't much reason to love him more and more every day, but I do love an intelligent man and Adam certainly qualifies as one. In truth, he should be the one pursuing a higher degree ... I'm doing it only because I'm studious and interested in the medical field. Adam is naturally good at school and learning and understanding.

Adam has a sense of direction like no other. You could pick him up and put him anywhere and he could find his way home. I don't know how he does it and I'll never understand it, but I'm immensely thankful for it because I panic when I'm lost.

Adam lets me know regularly how much he loves me and he always makes me feel sexy an beautiful. I love the way he loves me.

He values my health and constantly checks me on it. Adam knows the importance of exercise and eating healthfully and honest to God, without him in my life right now, I have no idea what I would look like in this regard. He honestly saved me all those years ago!

Along those same lines, Adam can cook! I mean like ... for real. Do you know how much of a blessing that is?? Because although I'm learning s-l-o-w-l-y, I still consider myself a non-cooker. I'm very thankful for this. All of my PA school friends are very jealous. :)

Adam genuinely takes interests in things that I do. He loves spending time with me and doing things with me and encouraging me. And I love him for that.

He puts up with me -- and knows how to handle me. I can be pretty hard headed and hot headed (I get it honest) and sometimes just a straight up bitch. At times I'm moody and at times I'm overly emotional/sensitive/hormonal. But thankfully, nine years later, he's still around. He's learned what to do or not do, say or not say and almost all of the time I apologize for how I've acted and thank him for pulling us both through -- alive.

Adam loves to whistle and sing and dance and play guitar and trombone -- he's very entertaining and talented and fun! Somehow he's just very musically inclined. During almost any conversation that he's having with anyone, if something that's said reminds him of a song, he'll start singing away. He has such a huge music library in his brain (head ;) that it's common "regular" people don't know what he's singing. Adam just shakes his head at them and continues on with the conversation.

Adam has made huge sacrifices for my happiness and success. This one is a true testament of his love for me. Literally everything that Adam has done in the past year has been for my benefit directly. It started with him closing his gym, which he poured his heart and soul into for several years. He then moved to Bham 2.5 months before I did and started a job at a bank, which was completely unrelated to any of his interests or experiences that he'd ever had before. And thanks to his job, he's paid for almost all of our living expenses while I've been in school.

He and I are growing individually-- and together -- in our relationships with God. Shortly after our wedding we found a church (Athens Church -- a strategic partner of Andy Stanley's churches in Atlanta) that we both love and, I don't know how to stress this enough, our lives have changed immensely for the better since then. Unbelievably, after we started attending Athens Church in Athens, we found out that there was also a strategic partner in Birmingham which also delivers services from Andy Stanley. It's called Redstone Church. The fact that Adam enjoys these churches as much as I do means a whole bunch. In fact, it was at Redstone Church during a Compassion Sunday Service that Adam suggested we become sponsors for a little girl in Peru. We've been in communication with and praying for Maria ever since.

This coming April will be our second wedding anniversary. I will forever be thankful to be married to this man that I literally prayed to God for more than 12 years ago. Adam had my heart shortly after I met him my freshman year of high school, but for reasons that no longer matter, Adam was preoccupied. I prayed and prayed, and finally God delivered ... it wasn't until my junior year of high school that he kissed me for the first time, nine years ago today. :) And Lord knows, we've been through some pretty heavy stuff since then -- amazing, good, bad, and real ugly -- that has brought us to where we are today. We've learned a lot about each other, from each other, about ourselves, and about what it means to love and be loved. Although it's been hard at times, I wouldn't change a thing. I love you, ATH! With my whole heart.

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Unmarked weekend

So there was nothing particularly special about this weekend. Casey and Katie both went home, which was my first weekend in PA school without at least one of them! I definitely missed those girls! BUT Mallory and I studied together on Saturday and we got through an impressive amount of material ... or so we like to believe. There's still much more to do. Saturday when I was studying, Adam went with some of his work friends to the shooting range, which happens to be a) right by our house and b) very cheap. After we both got back home, I studied a tiny bit more, and then we watched the game.

Oh! How could I forget about this? Saturday morning when we woke up we found this mess on our patio.

Pumpkin guts.

There are a few things you should know before I continue with my story. First, Adam and I did not carve a pumpkin on the patio ... or anywhere else for that matter. Our pumpkin, which Adam bought just yesterday, is still in one piece on our kitchen table, waiting to be sliced open. The only other explanation is that this mess came from above. Second, this is not an isolated incident. Well, it is with the pumpkin guts, but it's not an isolated incident with other materials falling from the patio from above, namely candy wrappers, cigarette ashes, cigarette butts (!!!). This is not ok. Our friendly neighbors from above have also been known to yell obscenities during the wee hours of the morning, tromp around like freaking elephants, and to save the best for last, vomit over their patio rail. Adam and I do not enjoy watching it rain chyme. 

So, on this bright Saturday morning when we found the pumpkin guts all over our patio, I decided enough was enough. At 8:30 in the morning (while these particular people are sure to still be asleep -- I mean, they stay up so late, I'm sure they sleep in till 2pm), I went upstairs to their door and -- not knocked -- but banged on their door for about 5 minutes until someone answered. Adam told me to take a broom with me, so they could clean up the mess but I decided not to. I also felt kinda bad because I woke up a couple other neighbors as well :/ but finally someone did come to the door. 

Oh, pause the story. I forgot something else that's very important. Shortly after Adam moved into the apartment, we noticed pretty immediately the cigarette ash and butts falling from above. I decided to provide them with a ash tray and a kind note explaining that not only did I not enjoy having this on my patio, but also that it was a fire hazard (because of our patio furniture and pillows). Unfortunately my nice efforts were unappreciated, so we went to the office and complained to the staff about it. Apparently the people upstairs were chastised  and their behavior got a little better, but clearly since I'm still telling this story, it hasn't completely stopped.

Ok so back to me standing on the door step of the people upstairs. So as I was saying, someone finally answered the door. In the span of about 30 seconds, and starting with the pumpkin incident, I brought her attention to all of the things that have been frustrating me. She looked very scared and sorry (... and sleepy) but at the end of our one-sided conversation she told me to have a nice day. They've been pretty quiet since then. Maybe I made enough of an impression. All of this mess made me feel bad for anything we've done to the people below us. So I wrote them a nice note too. And they were thankful. :)

I'll give updates on that if anything further develops. But anyway, on Sunday Adam and I went to church and heard a great sermon about God's Will for our lives and then decided to have some good ole' Five Guys cheese burgers for lunch. Delicious. After we got back home everything else was pretty unmarked. I think I studied a little, did a little laundry .... yeah, I think that's pretty much it.

Now I'm sitting at school blogging instead of studying. But that's going to change right now. :) Until next week, folks!

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I needed this today ...

My friend and cousin, Brittany Fouche, posted this a few weeks ago on facebook, and I knew it would come in handy for me at some point. I've really needed to improve my prayers and conversations with God. They've felt so meaningless lately. Hopefully this will help. Oh, and church this morning.

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